The Trauma Narrative

CW: Childhood abuse This is a post about my journey through and healing from trauma. I’m going to describe some things I’ve experienced that have induced trauma. Most of this is in Stage 1, so skip that section if you are sensitive to descriptions of childhood abuse. Stage 1. Initial Pain When I was a […]

Psychedelic Intensity Scale

“I took a tab” could mean anything – I’ve seen tabs with anywhere from 50ug-250ug. I’ve also seen a guy go completely delusional, divorced from reality, and then not remember anything afterwards on 300ug – while another guy, on the¬†same dose with the same tabs, was completely lucid. And if you mix in other drug […]

Dancing vs. Dancing

It took me a long time to realize that people actually liked dancing to EDM, and weren’t just doing it because there wasn’t another option. It took me even longer to realize that what people were doing when they were dancing wasn’t the same thing I was doing when I was dancing – that the […]

A Mild Solipsism Party

A common way of thinking about the self is something like the following: “My consciousness comes from a brain, and that brain is a product of evolutionary pressures. I am a small creature inside an expansive reality. I cannot perceive reality directly – I make constructions that I hope correspond to it – but it […]

The Body of Isolation

I recently liked a boy who didn’t like me in the way I wanted to be liked. He liked another girl, and it hurt. I was more raw than usual, sandpapered down by a few recent intimacy losses. The looming pattern of it made me despondent. I thought I would spend the rest of my […]

So Says Crazybrain

You are in a room built out of your framework of the world. The beliefs you can describe make up the walls, and the beliefs you can’t make up the floor. The ceiling is a mishmash of memory, patterned like dreams. In the chair in front of you sits Crazybrain. It looks just like you. […]

Finding The Void 101

I don’t know a lot about spiritual traditions. I haven’t read any Buddhist books (minus the Tao te Ching), I don’t meditate regularly, and most of my knowledge about chakras comes from Naruto. But I do have ‘episodes,’ which I’ve mentioned briefly¬†elsewhere on this blog. I don’t know what these episodes are, if other people […]

Luna Answers

For those who didn’t know, I’m working with Luna, a blockchain-based dating app. Scott Alexander recently wrote a post about our project, which – along with the comment section – brought up some questions we don’t currently have good published answers for. So here’s some published answers! This is written assuming you have a basic […]

Getting Smaller and Quieter

Once, when I was lying on the floor in a hotbox of a room, one of my friends was leaving, and she said “Goodbye! I’m going to get smaller and quieter now!” This was surprising to me at the time, but years later ended up being a great example of the sort of translation I […]