The Enlightenment Interviews

A while ago, a monk told me confidently that a spiritual guru who was well respected in my community, was definitely not enlightened. After this I got interested in what people meant when they were talking about enlightenment, so I asked anyone who reported being enlightened to talk to me. I didn’t only use the […]

Readjusting To Porn

As you probably know, I grew up in an isolated, homeschooled environment. I’d moved up to northern Idaho in an attempt to go to college, but my parents were very “use your bootstraps” people and wouldn’t help me financially or cosign on any loans. They also made too much money for me to qualify for […]

Cheating As A Last Resort

When I was ass deep in sex(y) work, I heard a common story: “I’m married,” they said. “I love my wife more than anything, but we don’t really have sex anymore.” One guy (married), dipped his toe in after he found out he had terminal cancer. Another was a caretaker for his wife who had […]

Let’s Get Enlightened!

Let’s get enlightened! Let’s take it seriously. Cross your legs, pinch your fingers together, it helps. With enough effort, you too can attain nirvana, loss of all suffering, total peace. You might need to squeeze your eyes shut. Everything about this is Very Important and it is Very Important that you try very, very hard. […]

Are You Just Pushing The ‘Insight’ Button?

Psychedelics seem to crop up among the people and writings I’m interested in, and I’ve read your accounts of acid effects a few times now, the latest due to Jacob Falkovich’s recent essay. You describe feeling like you’re drinking raw truth from the universe’s faucet, which seems in line with many others’ experiences, with the […]

YOU WILL FORGET, YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN

In the beginning was the world, and the world was made of atoms, and the world was atoms. Truth Existed, as something objective and elusive, to which I could be closer or farther. With my first (good) acid trip, I was blown apart by beauty and purpose, and saw how much of a participant I […]

Side Effects Of Preferred Pronouns

I’m starting to dislike using preferred pronouns for nonbinary and genderqueer people. This is a really controversial thing to say my social circles, where many nonbinary and genderqueer people are my friends. To be clear, I still use preferred pronouns. I like doing things that make other people happy, especially if they care about it […]

Messages and Dreams

When I was a child, adults often didn’t treat me well. They didn’t seem to care about my feelings, would do things that made me really sad, and generally dismissed my experience of the world as less important, because I was a child – a fact they reminded me of constantly. I didn’t know how […]

Blame-Game Theory

Growing up, my world was complementarian, which is a fancy way of saying everyone was waaaaay too into gender roles. We viewed men as stronger, braver, and less prone to irrational emotions. They were the federal head; the point of representation for their families. I remember asking my mom why we were moving states if […]